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According to sources close to Uncle E.N. Gorged-Permenante, SoZ spent 13 minutes and 7 seconds attempting to drink camomile tea with his closest advisorine, Great Aunt Perpetua last Wednesday.

Great Aunt Perpetua, despite her continuing action in The Second (but Rather More Fun than the First) Sexual War, has advised SoZ that there is an imbalance in the activity of Intelligent People.

Intelligent People are almost exclusively involved in activities of little social or economic benefit to the majority of Zhargi.

SoZ has decreed that Intelligent People will be forbidden to so much as contemplate involvement in the following activities:

1. The writing or reading of love letters. This activity, at best, can only benefit either writer or reader and more usually neither of these and is only of interest to sexually inactive teenagers who find bundles of such letters in faded boxes. To mark a finality and a pinnacle of disappointment, regardless of the fame of the author or the object of the letters, the box will always prove to have a value greater than the contents. Since the writing and reading of love letters can only be undertaken during times of heightened awareness and productivity Intelligent People are forbidden to either read or write love letters.

2. Study of religion. Since there is, as yet, no proof of the existence of any deity other than SoZ religion is an activity requiring the use of excessive quantities of imagination. Such expenditure leads to serious system overloads which in recent times have resulted in wars on minor planets such as Earth, Ireland and Paddystan. Stupid People will reach no conclusion since they possess inadequate imagination. Intelligent People who partake in this activity not only waste resources but risk war which SoZ regards as an unhealthy and unsocial activity. From this date only Stupid People may study religion. (Unfortunately this date is not specified.)

3. Accountancy and financial "services". Such activity clearly damages the ability of Intelligent People to perform any socially useful task and produces nothing of any benefit to Zharg. Intelligent People who practice these activities become confused and believe they perform a useful task and are dazzled by the filth of the market in which they toil. As these activities cause most of the misfortunes of the Zhargi, SoZ has forbidden these activities, even for Stupid People. From now on all accounting and financial service activities will be outsourced to CNC 55. SoZ has also ruled that accountancy and financial "services" are frighteningly boring - even if you do have an au pair called Godfrey who came from Liberia. Intelligent People are expected to help People, not to rob People. SoZ has stated that nonetheless for overwhelmingly important socio-economic reasons these restrictions do not apply to the market for the Songs of Zharg. What Songs? SoZ has declared that the practice of paying interest at the rate of 0.10% while charging borrowers more than 8% is socially acceptable as this margin is needed to help gather cash payments to house painters, brick layers, kitchen fitters, undertakers, happy plastic surgeons and other little people who pay taxes.

4. Military activity. Only those involved in The Second (but Rather More Fun than the First) Sexual War may be soldiers, sailors or airmen. Intelligent People are expected to play golf rather than march. Failure to obey the desire of SoZ in this matter will result in the beautifully complete insertion of a putter. For reasons best known to Himself, SoZ continues to encourage participation in Zharg DIY Invasions. INVADE!

5. Government. Government is the preserve of the terminally stupid and the power crazed. Intelligent People would rather watch "Big Bastard" on Zharg Kanal 8 and suffer anal interference simultaneously.

6. Poetry. Poets cause disquiet and who cares for rhymes?

Zhargs have one great secret

They can bend time

Not sequentially as you might expect but universally

They are the only hermaphopods to achieve this success

And can be used to see that space ships, UFOs and alien like activity

Are a hallucinatory image imposed upon mankind

Man senses there may well be extra terrestrial life but needs proof 

Many fine 'n worthy beliefs man has conjured for himself

All in his own scrofulous image

It was always a harmless delusion

What they cannot see they believe in

What they believe in is their safety blanket

In this scientific world they believe in intelligent beings from outer space

And so on

Their telescopes and probes search out space for life

And someone they can believe in

Yes black holes exist

Yes there are many suns

And yes the universe is expanding

And as there was no beginning there is no end to the universe

That here is a bend in the Universe they do not nor will not see

That bend is the secret world that harbours the most powerful force in the universe - The Claptorian Zhargi

Vegetables with one hair

Plants who succeeded in space time domination

You cannot find them – because they’re round the bend

Ellipsoidal and without ego

A plant for all seasons 

A Plant within a plant –a plant squared

Zharg Uno as he was called was the First to escape his Pod

He farted and the Big Bang created the world we live in

All hail the Pod

Some human did not know his P’s from his G’s so thought “God” {not “Pod”}

But the first Zharg was one World apart already at his inception

So the world of Zharg is always round the Corner

So near yet so far

A world within our reach but far from our grasp

All hail Pods

We know you’re there with your one hair

We know you can destroy us with a vegetative back burst

But we also know you will not come to destroy us

Because you know full well – we will do this to ourselves without any need of your help

All will be revealed in the book of the Destruction €15 Euros at any Eason’s store

The CD “ Destruction “ out now in Blu ray at any Supermarket

Get yours today before the Zhargi change their minds and fart on us

It’s only a Burp away


Blob {the whistle blower}

Half Zharg, half Mosquito, half Lettuce

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